Mandy Rodrigues: "I lost my mom to COVID-19"

Jeanette's daughter, Mandy Rodrigues, describes losing her mom

My mom is the matriarch of the family, including all our extended family. I talk about her in the present as I believe she is still around me. I have to believe there is something beyond her senseless death.

I have always lived by this quote by Yul Brunner: "We are born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Everything in-between is a gift." Her in-between was an unconditional, gentle, generous and completely selfless life. She was a devout Christian who never, ever spoke a bad word about another person. Her whole life was about her family and she prayed for us all every day.

A Discovery Diamond

My mom was the fittest 71-year-old I know. She had chronic asthma, high blood pressure and cholesterol (both hereditary - passed on from one generation to the next). She had lost a lot of weight due to her joining Run Walk for Life (RWFL) after retirement. Encouraged by Discovery Vitality, she walked six kilometres every day, never smoked and ate healthy food. She was so proud of her Vitality Diamond status. When we went into hard lockdown, she cried - not out of fear for her health, but for ours. She stopped attending RWFL but carried on walking six kilometres a day around the garden or on the road with our dad.

Staying safe from COVID-19

My parents were completely compliant with COVID-19 preventive measures. They never went to a shop, only ordered food online and my mom sanitised every item before hanging the bags out to dry. I feel constant guilt that, since February 2020, I only managed to see them on four occasions. I work in a healthcare setting as a clinical psychologist and there was no way I was putting either of them at risk. As the months passed and the pandemic continued, I'd speak to her three times a day on the phone. She lost weight from anxiety and battled to sleep because she was so concerned for us all.

Getting the first dose of the Pfizer COVID-19 vaccine

My parents were given their first dose (of two) of their Pfizer COVID-19 vaccine at Discovery's head office on 27 May 2021. They were amazed at the friendliness, professionalism and absolute strict adherence to COVID-19 regulations by the vaccine site staff. My mom was so excited - it was a step towards the whole family being reunited again one day. They don't keep alcohol in the house, but that night, she wanted to celebrate with a glass of Old Brown Sherry! Three days later, she started feeling sick, but thought her symptoms were side effects from the vaccine. She never told any of us that she had struggled to breathe for five days. We only found that out when we took her to our GP on 5 June as she was really struggling.

Testing positive for COVID-19

The doctor suspected pneumonia and sent her for blood and COVID-19 tests. She then had an X ray at a hospital in Sandton which confirmed pneumonia. There were no hospital beds available and since her oxygen saturation levels were good (in the mid-90s), we took her home to wait for the test results. However, the doctor called later and said her clotting factor was raised (putting her at an increased risk of a blood clot) and that she needed urgent care. The Sandton hospital was too full to admit her, so she ended up in an East Rand hospital casualty bed where she was given blood thinners. I called her later that night to tell her she had tested positive for COVID-19. Six hours later she was gone.

So many unknowns

Fearing her death was linked to the COVID-19 vaccine dose she'd had, the Health Department in South Africa requested an autopsy. Pfizer then requested the results and hospital notes. The results confirmed the cause of death was due to COVID-19 complications - cardiac respiratory arrest possibly caused by a pulmonary embolism. Her death wasn't related to having her first COVID-19 vaccine dose. We have no idea where she had picked up the virus. It makes no sense.

Every family member who had been with her before her death tested negative. Nobody is to blame. Nobody made her sick. The only conclusion we can draw is that she somehow already had COVID-19 when she went in for her jab. The thought of her picking it up when she went for her jab did cross our minds. However, our dad believes that is impossible as they were extra cautious, physically distanced and took every possible precaution. As the period over which she deteriorated was just after when she was vaccinated - and attributed to the side effects of the vaccine at first - we can only assume that the virus had already gone beyond the infectious stage and she had developed secondary complications by then.

Trying to make sense of it all

We all play the guilt game over and over in our minds. How did someone so careful get COVID 19? Someone who followed the rules so carefully? We will never know. All of us in the immediate family constantly ask if we could have prevented her death.

Her presence is everywhere, and we all talk to her always. Our tears are the memories we have of our mom. Unexpectedly, memories sneak out of our eyes and roll down our cheeks. I've read that tears are good for human beings. Like medicine, they say.

All I can be thankful for as we try to process our loss is that as a clinical psychologist, I know that grief is like the seasons. It changes and the tides become easier to predict. I have beautiful memories of my mom. Even though my grief will not become any smaller, my life will fill up again. The crying will become more predictable, and the periods between grief and laughter will be longer. She would have wanted that. It's the one thing I know for certain.

Read Mandy's professional advice as a clinical psychologist on how to cope with losing a loved one to COVID-19.