Creating balance between practical processes and human nature

No family or household is the same. Every family has its own set of challenges. This means that a planner or a planning team's role will need a strong understanding of human nature for the process to run smoothly, and for the final result to be a balanced and legally binding plan.

So, what types of roadblocks are planners likely to encounter? How can perceptive levels of understanding be achieved?

The influence of psychological phenomena

Human nature is defined as "the general psychological characteristics, feelings, and behavioural traits of humankind."¹ Whether you stand by this definition or question it, behavioural traits, emotions and different personality types will have a strong presence in the development of any estate plan.

1. Transference

In psychological fields, 'transference' has been around since the 1890s and the psychoanalytical practices of Sigmund Freud. He believed that experiences and conflicts during childhood development years create a foundation for an adult's personality. The commonly agreed upon definition of 'transference' refers to a process of having feelings and attitudes toward a figure who holds some level of importance, and projecting those onto someone else.

For instance, a judgemental parent could have had a significant effect on their child. During development, this could result in strong feelings and behaviours in response to the conflict it caused within the individual. When placed in a present situation, where the person views another as being similarly judgmental, past emotional and behavioural patterns may come to the fore, bringing the past and present together. A person may then easily lash out at the current individual, who is now subconsciously viewed as judgemental in the same way. The projection of feelings and associated reactionary behaviours from the past onto present scenarios is called transference.

Significant reminders of such experiences and conflicts typically surface as strong emotionally charged reactions. Projections of a previous experience and associated persons can happen in an estate planning scenario. The planner or planning team play a significant and sensitive role by handling the drawing up or management of an estate. A scenario of transference may unfairly place a planner in a position where they are almost expected to take on the responsibility of the conflicted emotions, that rightly belong to someone else.

What kind of transference scenarios could happen in an estate planning context? Perhaps a client has three children in a family. It is fairly common for the eldest child to be named as an executor if a client has not made a specific preference known. This decision made by default could surface underlying tensions for the youngest child, who may harbour conflicting emotions associated with the parent client. For instance, perhaps the elder sibling is perceived as being a favourite in the family. The youngest child could project these feelings onto the planner, who took on the role of decision maker and who now reminds them of the parent client.

A planner may also encounter a client who proves to be difficult to work with, who may be defensive or very particular about, for instance, not doing things a certain way that could in fact work out to their benefit and meet their ultimate goals.

An astute planner may, in getting to know a client, pick up that perhaps the behaviour is linked to a previous bad experience. This actually presents an opportunity to set things right and reassuringly guide the process to be conducted in a more beneficial and satisfactory way.

Planners need to be aware and acknowledge the projected reaction in an appropriate way. Often the emotionally charged reaction of someone may not be the planner's responsibility to shoulder, the planner must be wary not to have a reactionary response must be handled with care, especially if it holds potential to stir additional conflict.

Underlying emotional conflicts have a way of coming out during uncomfortable times - like the estate planning process. It may be useful for a planner to be aware of the existence of conflicts without being nosey. Personal matters are still very much just that and aren't the business of others, but a level of awareness could be the difference between a major conflict (particularly during auctioning the estate plan) and a favourable solution when decisions are made during planning.

Where a planner realises that a decision has caused discomfort, humanity is required. An apology and reassurance that it will not be repeated is required. This should help to ease a situation and steer things away from transference opportunities in the future. A planner should be understanding and reassuring. These simple human characteristics go a long way.

2. Counter-transference

In response to an instance of transference, a planner can easily project feelings and attitudes in the same way. This phenomenon is known as counter-transference.

It's often a subconscious response in reaction to a perceived scenario or circumstance. This can also include a planner's conscious or subconscious feelings that may also be linked to their past. Similar to a client, a planner or members of a planning team can also unintentionally bring in their own psychological baggage to a planning process.

To explain further, let's re-visit the example of differently aged children. As a planner, you're faced with the youngest born expressing negative feelings over favouritism. Perhaps, you as a planner are the eldest sibling in your own family and have a view that the youngest is always the baby of a family. You may have strong personal feelings that the eldest should be given fiduciary preference, coupled with a professional inclination that naming the eldest is best practice by default. This could all have been influenced by your own observations of how older generations conducted things or as part of a set of values that you were taught.

Projected displacement can cause unwanted discomfort in the relationship between planner and client, or even the beneficiaries of the state. Personal feelings should never cloud professional judgement.

Awareness around potential counter-transference is therefore important for planners. Occurrences of transference, or biases, are often irrational and emotional in nature. A planner can have the presence of mind to recognise both sides and manage scenarios in more constructive ways. Appropriate discussions can be had if both sides view them as beneficial. The best outcome is achieved when processes to move ahead without being hampered by emotional roadblocks that don't serve a purpose for the plan.

3. Triangles

The third psychological phenomena have to do with a three-person relationship system. Developed by the late psychiatrist and professor of psychiatry, Murray Bowen, MD during the 1950s, he theorised that a triangular human emotional system is the most stable. His theory argues that a two-person system is unstable because it can tolerate very little tension. Invariably, one or both may try and rope in a third party to reduce this tension, creating a triangle. Therefore, one or both recruit an ally of sorts. His theory is that a triangle has more capacity to withstand tension than a two-person relationship can. With three, tension can shift among three other relationships, in other words, A to B, A to C, or B to C.

In estate planning, triangles can form in various ways, and not just between living persons, or even a person at all like someone who has already passed away or inanimate objects.

An example could be that a planner is working with a husband and wife, and a difference of opinion between the two arises during conversation. Perhaps, they're not in agreement over who should be named the executor of their estate. One may turn to you, as the planner, and triangle you into the difference of opinion. They may turn to you and ask what your opinion is? They may also try explaining their viewpoint in an effort to gain your total agreement.

Taking sides is not in the best interest of the planner or, in many respects, the ultimate goals desired to be achieved in the final estate plan. Planners would do well to remain present and aware of such human system phenomena and handle with a more constructive response. Always keep the goal in mind.

Understanding human obstacles³

Along with psychological phenomena and navigating human emotions, planners may very well be faced with other obstacles that are very much human - and understandably so.

Death anxiety is one obstacle that relates to fears of death itself, physical and mental deterioration, being alone, separation anxiety, a deep sadness or level of anger and despair around having no control.

When people harbour such fears, they adopt behaviours or responses as defence mechanisms, such as avoidance of any talk about mortality or making jokes to minimise the significance of the topic.

Avoidance of this kind often results in what is frequently referred to as mortality salience. When people fear having to face their own mortality, they procrastinate or make excuses. You'll note behaviours associated with distraction, denial, delay tactics or even total avoidance. Underlying fears can also prompt behaviours that try and create ways for a person to live on - a kind of symbolic means of immortality, such as penning an autobiography, or naming a star after oneself.

Another obstacle also involves a fear of estate planning itself. It relates to death anxiety and mortality salience, but also involves fears around the unknown, not doing the right thing for loved ones, unintentionally hurting someone or being the cause of conflict, the complexity of the process or not having enough to pass on to future generations if they run out of money during retirement. Some may also fear potential changes that could happen in legal processes and the impact that could have on their plan. Many people also fear a loss of privacy.

Fearful individuals often resort to the making decisions around difficult or challenging aspects of their lives a little too quickly. This behaviour is almost like a knee-jerk reaction that seeks to rid themselves of the associated anxiety as soon as possible - thus reducing opportunity for a stressful experience.

Planners will know that the estate planning process involves a great deal of important decisions to be made. If these are made too swiftly, chances are they'll not be well thought out and could end up producing a poorly put-together plan. This can have costly consequences. The danger in this is that a person's actions then become a response to fear and anxiety - the result of which is simply to 'get it over with' and not focus on the important aspects of how and why certain considerations are necessary as part of the process.

Managing these obstacles

To create balance in the process of estate planning, planners and planning teams need to be aware of the obstacles. This astute kind of awareness is an enabler in the planning process. For planners, knowing and understanding the underlying nature of these obstacles that hinder more than help the process is at the root of it all where more positive guidance can be implemented.

Planners need to listen with empathy. In so doing, they can better understand a client's underlying goals and motivations for their plan. This sets up a positive platform for the relationship whereby a planner can better encourage their client to feel more comfortable and focussed with the process of estate planning.

It's about getting to the heart of counter productivity and instead of trying to 'right a wrong' mindset by brashly pointing it out, planners initiate processes that allow them to be more engaging with their clients and encourage focus. It's about creating a collaborative partnership that addresses concerns, but also encourages and motivates a client toward their actual goal.

Clients actually want to feel heard, so listening is an integral part of the conversation. To achieve this, open-ended questions need to be asked. Questioning that prompts 'yes', 'no' or even multiple choice style answers are close-ended, meaning they lead a client down a very specific path, which isn't ideal. Prompting clients tends to completely miss the mark for their true estate planning goals and wishes - the emotional, personal side.

It's a very human reaction to dismiss a person or turn away from someone you don't feel is listening to you. If a client isn't feeling heard they may very well seek out the assistance of another professional.

Planners would do well to steer clear of conversing in a way that warns, cautions, makes direct suggestions or offers specific solutions. These kinds of things steer the planner in the wrong direction - they are not able to be an active listener when they steer the process with their own agenda. Reflective listening is also beneficial whereby a planner summarises what a client has said during a discussion. It shows that a planner is paying attention and aids the process of making a client feel heard.

Sources:

1. https://books.google.co.za/books?id=sYScAQAAQBAJ&pg=PA694&lpg=PA694&dq=human+nature+%22the+general+psychological+characteristics,+feelings,+and+behavioural+traits+of+humankind%22&source=bl&ots=nXiFUoMZ15&sig=ACfU3U1ITr6GFVndCm2aGuSTHiKrU_Lt5g&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiUlvm638nqAhXioXEKHVqbBCkQ6AEwBHoECAkQAQ#v=onepage&q=human%20nature%20%22the%20general%20psychological%20characteristics%2C%20feelings%2C%20and%20behavioural%20traits%20of%20humankind%22&f=false
2. https://www.wealthmanagement.com/estate-planning/human-side-estate-planning-part-ii https://www.wealthmanagement.com/estate-planning/human-side-estate-planning-part-1

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